Updated: Oct 31
This is the first time I'm writing a real blogpost on this blog, and not just sharing a press release related to eg. a new song. Even though there is a new track on its way, and will be released on the 10th of November. But this post is a more complex confession on what is going on with me nówadays.
I haven't written any newsletter in 3 months. I haven't even created much content, sampled new nøises, or changed the world as always planned. Still, my very own little world has been changing a lot again, as there's a tiny baby growing inside me. I'm not even trying to make it sound better: I needed a fucking break. My brain exploded, my body exhausted, my soul was dying and confused from all the expectations I always tried to meet as an artist, a mum, a partner, a daughter, a sister,...
I needed a break. I needed to die to be reborn. Just like in 'Floating'. I lost my way just like 'For Tomorrow' describes it. I felt 'Incomplete'. During this break - that included not creating content, not checking social media, not contacting friends and family, not stressing about finishing my songs - I figured out an interesting thing: I fell into the trap where people I judge can be found. "Is this a journey from the centre of our bodies?", I asked myself. I forgot what music was to me. I didn't remember my goals. I lost motivation, and I found myself in this dark place that I couldn't climb out of. I locked my daydreams into a small treasure box which I hid very well under the ground somewhere. There was insomnia and nightmares instead. No energy, no time, no passion. My body started to change. My mind switched back to the messed up teenager with undefined childhood traumas. My eyes were crying all the time. Am I ever gonna get back my old self? Is this what I need at all? Do we need to change to be happy, or do we need to accept ourselves the way we are? Do we always push it really hard and burn out prematurely, or we can afford taking breaks and coming back 3 times stronger? Can we come back at all? Why are we doing what we're doing? What drives us? Are we good enough? Are we smart enough? Are we enough?
Can we do this alone? Are we really alone?
So many questions within reach for an overthinker. So many different possible answers. It's full moon again. Thoughts get tangled as it shines.
Better close our eyes to see clear. And let's just keep on making headway.
Music, mixing, mastering by Lnoer, vocals and lyrics by me, artwork by Lnoer.
Coming to every major streaming platforms.